pam's portfolio "one pager" (in two pages)

Reflection about Writing Experiences

Over the course of the three years that I have been co-directing the Invitational Summer Institute I have learned a lot from my mentor and co-director Jonathan Lovell. For one, I have learned what it feels like to actually try and grow a piece of writing the way Anne Lamott talks about writing—through that one inch picture frame of my own experience, then through responses and conversations, and finally through more exploratory drafts before I even get to my first real draft. I have learned to write with an eye more focused on what catches my attention or provokes an internal reaction than on the thing I’m trying to make. Before the Writing Project, I was a competent writer who could confidently write on demand, but my revisions were mostly made to say what I’d planned to say all along, just more clearly. With Jonathan as my response partner, I have learned that sometimes what you really want to say actually comes out quite different from what you thought you wanted to say. What’s the difference? For me, it has been learning to listen to myself instead of trying to make something that others might want to hear. It’s a change that’s taken time and required help. Luckily for me, Jonathan has big ears and a compassionate heart. He’s been a good listener and a constant cheerleader telling me that what I have to say matters. With encouragement, I have grown from college essay writer to writer. Period.
I have also learned from the Invitational Summer Institutes that the most effective response partners to have are response partners whom you’ve come to care about and whose writing voice you’ve come to recognize and cherish. During our first summer co-directing, Jonathan had me do a “taped response” to one of his pieces by reading the writing out loud into a tape recorder 2 times: the first time straight through and the second time with my own thoughts and comments added in as they came. I was fine with the first read, but that second read intimidated me; what did I have to say about an English professor’s writing that was worth recording? Surely I would just be providing evidence of my own uncertain and untrained responses! After listening carefully to my tape, Jonathan graciously thanked me for my comments and (to my surprise) actually made some significant changes based on them. Over time, I was reminded that the best responses are the most “human” ones—the ones that came from a caring and curious place, a place of connection to the other person through their writing. I know from personal experience that the best response partners are people we have come to call our friends.
For this reason I have looked forward to these recent summers for the opportunities they have provided me to reconnect with my own writing as well as with my good friend. The saner pace of summer has allowed for longer conversations and the development of writing that matters to both of us—even the kind of writing that might lead to what Jay refers to as “wisdom.”
This summer, I returned to the summer institute with a couple of new perspectives—that of a new mother trying to balance time spent at school and at home, and that of a teacher leaving the classroom to start a coaching position. Jonathan came in with his daughter’s wedding on the horizon and the expanded responsibilities from an expanding SJAWP. It was more difficult to make room for our writing with life unfolding and enveloping us. At the end of a busy day, it was challenging to make the move from talking about writing to actually writing. But when we hunkered down at our laptops alongside one another, we each found that the conversations, even the ones that seemed off-topic, made their way in bits and pieces into our writing. And even with the wedding, the traveling, and a father-in-law undergoing chemotherapy and radiation, somehow we experienced those moments of being sucked into the world of our writing once again. We have felt the satisfaction of hearing the effects we have on one another’s words and thoughts: writing together is a shared experience of something both personal and consequential. Over these summers, we have affected each other through affecting our writing. We have gotten to know each other in bigger ways through sharing our writing. And I have come to know and care deeply about my colleague, mentor, and friend. The writing component of the summer institute has been a space for growth professionally and important to me personally.